Kaylee: mom, sell that shirt. It's meant for bigger people with bigger boobs.

Me: *laughs*

Kaylee: are you going to put that on Facebook?

Me: Yup.

Kaylee: Listen mom. I didn't say that to be funny. I'm serious. Take it off, grow your boobs and then you can wear it. Right now you just look like a hobo.

Me: Give me that honey stick back. You already had sugar today.

Kaylee: Whaa?? How did you know??... wait... I didn't have any sugar today...

Me: Uh huh.

Kaylee: Yeah, ok. You caught me. I had two candies on the bus, three when I got home... I even still have some sugar on my hands. *licks hands* Yummy.

"Mom, for my birthday I want to go to the pool and that's it. Maybe have a fancy dinner... like hotdogs." - Kaylee

"Mom, I need to change my clothes because Nick pushed me in the mud, YUCK! But he loves me, I know it. When a boy is mean to you it means he LOOOVESSS you." - Kaylee

Michael: So if the jar is $4 and the milk is $10... That's $14! No way can I afford that!

Me: No, but you just did the math in your head. Good job!

Michael: Yeah, Mom. It's easy. It's like this: If you have 10 penises and you add 4 more... 

Me: ... Go to bed.

Michael: I can't wait till I can live without my mom! No one to boss me around.

Me: Uh huh. Sure. Who's gonna cook you food and stuff?

Michael: That's easy! By that time I'll be old enough to have a girlfriend and she can do it.

Me: *note to self: reevaluate the way I am raising my son...*