Kaylee: mom, sell that shirt. It's meant for bigger people with bigger boobs.
Kaylee: are you going to put that on Facebook?
Kaylee: Listen mom. I didn't say that to be funny. I'm serious. Take it off, grow your boobs and then you can wear it. Right now you just look like a hobo.
Me: Give me that honey stick back. You already had sugar today.
Kaylee: Whaa?? How did you know??... wait... I didn't have any sugar today...
Me: Uh huh.
Kaylee: Yeah, ok. You caught me. I had two candies on the bus, three when I got home... I even still have some sugar on my hands. *licks hands* Yummy.
"Mom, for my birthday I want to go to the pool and that's it. Maybe have a fancy dinner... like hotdogs." - Kaylee
"Mom, I need to change my clothes because Nick pushed me in the mud, YUCK! But he loves me, I know it. When a boy is mean to you it means he LOOOVESSS you." - Kaylee
Michael: So if the jar is $4 and the milk is $10... That's $14! No way can I afford that!
Me: No, but you just did the math in your head. Good job!
Michael: Yeah, Mom. It's easy. It's like this: If you have 10 penises and you add 4 more...
Me: ... Go to bed.
Michael: I can't wait till I can live without my mom! No one to boss me around.
Me: Uh huh. Sure. Who's gonna cook you food and stuff?
Michael: That's easy! By that time I'll be old enough to have a girlfriend and she can do it.
Me: *note to self: reevaluate the way I am raising my son...*